You can see large gaps in the blogging history when the medication is working as intended and keeping the brain chemistry in balance and my beloved spouse is a high functioning adult. These are the times reminiscent of an era prior to diagnosis and prior to the catastrophic brain incident that resulted in our lives changing forever.
People often debate the cause of the incident that resulted in a STARS air ambulance trip to Edmonton. Whether it was an accidental prescription medications interaction, a pre existing condition or simply a random act, our lives changed forever in 2002.
Now we are left to wonder at which random moment or with which random act will an abnormal over reaction occur. With each act, there is usually cause for a reaction and as the spouse I bare the bulk of that responsibility. It is usually something that I have done that is worthy of a response. I am not without blame.
The concern is the level and veracity of such response in the bipolar sufferer. Last night my wife was choking on a bit of supper. This was a scary moment particularly for her. I incorrectly made the assumption she was just coughing and not choking and did not react quickly. I should have. After her throat cleared, she was ferociously upset claiming that I did not care about her or her suffering in all areas and not just in the single event.
As I have blogged in the past, the events are very real. The response is often deserved but it is the level of response that is extraordinary.
It is incumbent upon the support group including the spouse not to react in kind. This is the real struggle for the support group. You want and often need to respond in kind. This is not acceptable and not fair to the bipolar sufferer. This is the primary reason for the blog; as a place to vent and to provide advice to those who may share our situation.
This morning I made the mistake of looking down at my iPad believing that my beloved spouse was speaking to my son and not to me. This was my mistake and my responsibility. I ignored my beloved spouse in mid sentence. I deserved a negative response.
This problem is that the patient in a down period extrapolates a single incident of being ignored to be a semblance of EVERY instance of being ignored. It is the responsibility of a spouse in every relationship not to include past instances into any new argument. This in itself is a skill. For a bipolar sufferer, particularly in the down period, this is an impossibility.
I ignored her. For that I am responsible. I accept the criticism as fair and just. I however am asked to bare the brunt of EVERY time she has been ignored in her entire life.
The response is justified but the response is exaggerated.
I love her with all my heart. I will stand by her for all eternity but sometimes it is hard.
Life is hard
