When you are left with nothing to explain your pain, discomfort and feelings of loneliness, you are left with an anger that can only be described by these words:
"I don't know why they can't figure out why I hurt and why no pain medication seems to work"
I have heard these words so many times in my life. My beautiful wife has been left to endure indescribable discomfort for between one and two weeks each month. This first appeared as migraine headaches. She would be gettig shots of morphine and demoral on a regular basis to eliviate the pain.
Sadly, in most cases, all this medication did was make her sleepy. There is no cure for a pain caused by irregular brain chemistry. This is the most common diagnosis for a Bi-polar sufferer. No medication will attack this pain so when the sleepiness wears off, the pain returns. I have spent many an evening in the hospital or waiting by the phone for a call to pick her up from the hospital. These were horrible times.
My poor sweetheart was left searching for a cure or the pain. She was accused of doctor shopping, or being in search of a high and countless other hypochondriac stuff. If you suffer this horrible disease, this is sadly in your future.
In recent times, the discomfort has come in the form of an ongoing nausea - an almost one a month flu that masks with body aches, the horrors of dry heaving and the ongoing nausea. This is a horrible feeling for the sufferer and worse for those around them.
Here is another phrase I have to get used to:
"I am sick and tred of being sick and tired"
I try to be helpful. I try to keep her away from the hospital and the dispicable calls about being a hypochondriac and a drug user. Sometimes it is very hard. She wants relief. I want her to have relief but the only true relief is time. It is hard on us as a family and worse yet it is harder on my lovely wife. She is the one who has to suffer through it.
When you are in pain and discomfort all the time, you tend to become angry and you lash out at those around you. There is no relief so someone must take your frustratin. This is why bipolar patients end up with no friends and at odds with their family. Few can see it for what it is... Just lashing out.
I have been told so many times that the lashing out is not caused by bipolar or bipolar pain but I know this wonderful lady who has the biggest heart in the whole world is not this person she becomes.
I love her dearly and count the days each month until she finds her way through it sadly knowing that it is going to happen again in 30 days.
